I arrived to cover the seven o’clock show at Nikki Beach and there I was facing the most uncovered group of models that is publicly possible. Moi, whose bottom line consisted of dieting and swimming all summer, was plunked down in front of itsy bitsy teeny weenie black, white, robin’s egg blue, and magenta bikinis — and some matching caftans too.   My reality calls for the caftans to cover my bottom line.

The show started with black, brown, and white monochromatic two piece suits. Sparkling sequins placed on the garments diverted the eye and assuaged one color monotony. The audience’s approving response showed that the use of oversized floppy hats was particularly effective. It was startling suddenly to see vibrant color: a light blue bikini attached on one side with a single thin strip and a purple tiny two piece consisting of a solid colored bottom and a sequined top. Although I can’t really comprehend how the sparkles could hold water, they did aesthetically work well.

A red and black flowered print against a white background bikini with matching sequined vee neck cover up stole the show. I particularly liked a bright red “negligee-ish” see through caftan. (Thank heaven for those caftans!)

Although I thoroughly enjoyed the show and the designer’s artistry, I was not amused by the immature behavior of some of the men in the audience. Seemingly oblivious to the designs being displayed, they applauded the female bodies which they liked best. High heels impaired the models’ mobility to the extent that a man was stationed by the runway to take each model’s hand to prevent her from falling.  This sexism was for me assuaged at the end of the show: the female designer — wearing a knee length black bathing suit material dress emblazoned with an exceedingly large sequin cluster — triumphantly emerged holding hands with one of the models.

So at the end I asked my husband what he thought of seeing all of those semi-clad women. “The asses were too small,” he said as he appreciatively ran his hand over my “zaftig” bottom line. He is definitely not going to buy me a caftan cover up!

– Marleen